Improving relationships when you have a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can feel challenging, but it is absolutely possible with self-awareness, effort, and support. Here are some strategies that might help:
1. Learn about BPD and self-awareness
Understanding your condition is key to managing your relationships. BPD can affect how you feel, think, and act, often causing intense emotional reactions, difficulty with boundaries, fear of abandonment, and challenges with self-identity. By educating yourself on these aspects, you can start to recognize your triggers and reactions before they escalate. This awareness is the first step in improving your relationships.
2. Therapy and treatment
Therapy, especially Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), is one of the most effective treatments for BPD. DBT focuses on building skills in emotional regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, and interpersonal effectiveness. These skills can help you manage emotional outbursts, communicate more clearly, and navigate difficult moments in relationships.
You might also explore cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), schema therapy, or other modalities, depending on what resonates with you. Therapy can provide a safe space to process emotions, learn new ways to relate to others, and improve self-regulation.
3. Communicate openly with others
Clear, honest communication is vital for any relationship. It might be helpful to have conversations with people you trust about your diagnosis and how it can impact your behavior or emotions. This can promote understanding and help reduce misunderstandings.
- Express your needs: Let others know what you need in terms of emotional support, reassurance, or space.
- Use “I” statements: When expressing feelings, try using statements like “I feel…” rather than “You make me feel…” This prevents others from feeling blamed or attacked and fosters more productive conversations.
4. Work on emotional regulation
BPD often comes with intense emotional reactions that can overwhelm both you and others in your life. Learning to manage these emotions is a crucial aspect of building stronger relationships.
- Mindfulness practices: Techniques like deep breathing, grounding exercises, or meditation can help you stay present and reduce emotional reactivity.
- Self-soothing strategies: Identifying healthy ways to comfort yourself in moments of distress can reduce impulsive actions that could damage relationships. This could include listening to calming music, journaling, or going for a walk.
5. Set and respect boundaries
Having strong, clear boundaries is crucial for healthy relationships, both for you and for others. This involves:
- Knowing your limits: Be aware of your emotional and physical limits, and communicate them clearly to others.
- Respecting others’ boundaries: Just as it’s important for you to express your boundaries, respecting the boundaries of others helps foster trust and mutual respect.
- Developing self-compassion: Be kind to yourself when things don’t go perfectly. Perfection isn’t the goal—growth and understanding are.
6. Manage fear of abandonment
A common feature of BPD is a deep fear of abandonment or rejection. This fear can sometimes lead to impulsive actions or putting pressure on others. Recognizing this fear and learning to manage it will help you avoid acting out in ways that could strain relationships.
- Challenge negative thoughts: When you fear that someone might abandon you, try to challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself if the evidence truly supports your fears or if it’s a result of your emotional state.
- Practice self-soothing: When you feel abandoned, try grounding techniques to calm your emotions. Reassure yourself that your feelings don’t always reflect reality.
7. Be patient with yourself and others
Healing and improving relationships takes time, so it’s important to be patient both with yourself and with the people around you. There will be ups and downs, but with consistent effort, things can improve. Remember, relationships are a two-way street, and it’s okay to ask for help when needed.
8. Build a support network
Having people who understand and support you is crucial. If possible, surround yourself with people who are empathetic and patient with your journey. This could include:
- Close friends and family
- Support groups (online or in person)
- A therapist or support group (we have therapists who specialize in working with BPD!)
Building this support system can help you feel less isolated and more understood, improving your ability to manage relationships overall.
9. Practice self-compassion
Living with BPD can be emotionally draining, and it’s easy to fall into patterns of self-criticism. Being compassionate with yourself can reduce shame and build resilience. Recognize the progress you’re making, even if it’s small.
10. Focus on growth
BPD may be a part of you, but it doesn’t define you. Keep focusing on growth and self-improvement. Celebrate even the smallest steps toward better emotional regulation, healthier communication, and improved relationships.
It’s important to remember that while the symptoms of BPD can pose challenges, with the right tools, support, and mindset, it’s possible to have fulfilling, supportive relationships. The journey may take time, but progress is achievable. If you need support from a professional, trained therapist, call 902-812-1717 or email office@growwellcounselling.ca to inquire about a FREE 15 minute consultation with a therapist on our team.