It’s a question we hear often: “When should we start couples therapy?” And it’s a good one—because waiting too long can make repair more difficult, while jumping in too early might feel unnecessary. Don’t wait until it’s too late – until one of you has one foot out the door, or better yet, both feel – all except one pinky toe – out the door!
The truth is, there’s no single perfect moment. But there are signs—subtle and not-so-subtle—that suggest therapy could be beneficial. If you’re wondering whether it’s time, this guide will help you tune in to what’s happening in your relationship and make a decision that supports both of you.
1. Communication Has Become Difficult or Nonexistent
If every conversation seems to spiral into conflict, or worse—if you’ve stopped having meaningful conversations at all—it may be time to bring in a professional. Therapy creates a safe space to unpack underlying frustrations and rebuild healthier communication patterns.
Ask yourself: Do we talk to each other, or at each other? Or have we stopped talking altogether?
2. You’re Stuck in the Same Arguments Over and Over
Every couple argues, but when the same fight keeps resurfacing—about money, sex, parenting, responsibilities—it’s a sign of deeper issues. Therapy can help you break out of these repetitive cycles by identifying what’s really fueling the conflict and teaching healthy and productive communication skills.
3. Emotional Intimacy Feels Distant
If you feel more like roommates than romantic partners, or if emotional connection has faded, it may be time to reconnect intentionally. Therapy can help uncover what’s come between you and help you both feel seen, valued, and emotionally safe again. Feeling like two ships passing in the night without connecting can be damaging to your emotional connection.
4. There’s Been a Breach of Trust
Infidelity, secrecy, or broken promises can shake the foundation of a relationship. Rebuilding trust is hard, but it is possible—with structure, support, and time. Therapy provides a roadmap for healing and accountability.
5. You’re Going Through a Major Life Transition
Moving in together, getting married, having children, dealing with illness, or even changing careers—all of these can stress a relationship. Therapy during these transitions helps couples navigate change with greater understanding and resilience.
6. One or Both of You Feel Unhappy, Lonely, or Resentful
Unspoken resentment or persistent feelings of dissatisfaction don’t usually resolve on their own. If you’re quietly questioning your relationship or feeling emotionally drained, don’t wait for a breaking point. Therapy can help clarify what’s happening and what needs to shift.
7. One of You Stops Caring and Arguing
Contrary to what many people think, while you’re still arguing and fighting, THAT is the best time to start couples therapy. When you get to the point that one of you doesn’t care anymore and the fighting stops, that’s actually not a good place to be. Get help immediately if you or your partner are in the place where you don’t even care to try to resolve misunderstandings.
You Just Want to Strengthen Your Relationship
Not all therapy is about crisis. Sometimes, couples want to grow closer, deepen their bond, or learn how to love each other better. Think of therapy as relationship maintenance—like a tune-up for your connection.
8. You Just Want to Strengthen Your Relationship
Not all therapy is about crisis. Sometimes, couples want to grow closer, deepen their bond, or learn how to love each other better. Think of therapy as relationship maintenance—like a tune-up for your connection.
Final Thoughts
There’s no shame in needing help. In fact, seeking couples therapy is a sign of strength and care—a commitment to doing the hard, beautiful work of love. The best time to start is when you first notice something’s off, even if it feels small. Early intervention often leads to better outcomes. And a note for those who feel it IS already too late, NOW is the time to reach out and give it your all. It’s never too late! There is always hope if both people in the relationship are willing to put in the word and commit to making changes and putting the relationship first.
And if you’re unsure, ask yourselves this: Are we thriving, or just surviving together? If it’s the latter, therapy could be the next right step.
Want help getting started? Schedule a free consultation with one of our therapists who specialize in relationships and couples counselling. We have therapists who offer convenient virtual sessions that can be done in the comfort of your home (after your put the kids to bed – no childcare needed!) or in person in our comfortable office in Bedford, both during the day, evenings, and even on Saturdays. We have therapists that work with all budgets – those who have insurance and reduced fee sessions for those who don’t have insurance. Reach out to office@growwellcounselling.ca today to schedule your free consultation and to find out how to get started.