In any marriage, big gestures can often feel like the go-to solution for making a relationship stronger. However, one of the most powerful tools for fostering deeper connection and emotional intimacy is not about grand declarations or sweeping acts—it’s about the small, consistent things you do every day. The Gottman Institute, founded by renowned psychologists Dr. John and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, highlights the importance of what they call “Small Things Often” as a cornerstone of a healthy, lasting marriage.
The Gottman Principle of “Small Things Often” is based on the simple but profound idea that everyday, seemingly minor acts of kindness, attention, and affection can have a more significant impact on your relationship than occasional, grandiose gestures.
Implementing the “Small Things Often” principle doesn’t require major changes—just a shift in mindset and a focus on consistency. are some practical ways to Implement the “Small Things Often” principle:
- Express appreciation regularly: Say thank you, compliment your partner, and notice their efforts.
- Make time for small moments of connection: Whether it’s a shared cup of coffee, a quick phone call, or a 10-minute walk, small moments of connection make a big difference.
- Show physical affection: Hold hands, hug, or kiss to stay physically connected, even during busy days.
- Engage in active listening: When your partner speaks, truly listen and validate their feelings. Acknowledge their words and show empathy.
- Give spontaneous surprises: Small gifts, handwritten notes, or even just a text saying, “I’m thinking of you,” can brighten your partner’s day.
- Laugh together: Share inside jokes, funny videos, or lighthearted moments that create bonding experiences.
When you prioritize the small, meaningful moments of connection with your partner, you create a strong emotional foundation that supports your marriage, even during challenging times. So, start small, be consistent, and watch how these everyday acts transform your relationship into one that is more loving, intimate, and resilient.
By focusing on the little things, you can make a big impact on the health of your marriage.