Helping your child manage big feelings, doesn’t have to mean big battles
By: Ally Nickerson
Image Source: istockphoto.com
Big feelings are a part of growing up, and your child is no exception. The difference is, while you’ve had years to learn how to regulate your emotions, your child is just starting. If you have been witness to your fair share of tantrums, melt-downs, and mood swings, you’ve probably asked yourself: will this ever get easier? While some of these emotional outbursts are normal, some are signs that your child struggles with emotional regulation. Guiding your child through emotional regulation can be a challenging and long process, but it is one of the most important gifts you could give them.
Reasons Emotional Regulation is Important in Children
Emotions are the strongest influence to our thoughts, feelings, and actions, so learning how to regulate them is crucial. As children grow up, emotional regulation can help them have better success in things like making friends, taking turns, learning effectively in school, behaving in socially acceptable ways, and becoming more independent. It’s a complex skill to teach, and even to harness as an adult sometimes, but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Hopefully these 5 tips can make the process a little bit easier for you and your child!
5 Steps to Help Your Child Emotionally Regulate
- Remind Them Feelings are Okay!
As overwhelming as it might be, one of the most helpful first steps is simply accepting the big feeling and allowing it to happen! We of course don’t want to accept aggression or violence; but anxiety, anger, frustration, shame and even rage, are all normal and healthy to feel!
You’re job isn’t to stop the emotion, or to “fix” it, but to help them express the feeling in a healthy way.
The more we validate that thier feelings are okay, the more they will learn how to manage them!
2. Wait for Them to Calm Down
Just as emotional regulation is a learned skill, so it rational thinking. Young children don’t yet have the brain development to regulate or rationalize well during these big feelings!
Rather then trying to guide them through mindfulness or logical reasoning during these heightened moments, wait for them to calm down. Once thier minds and bodies have calmed down, the rational brain is able to kick in, and you will have a much better chance at walking them through labeling, problem-solving, and reflecting on thier emotions.
3. Learn to Label
A key step in expressing and processing an emotion is labeling it. Refrain from labeling emotions as “good” or “bad”, instead call them what they are, “anger,” “hurt,” “embarrassed,” etc. An easy way to help your child learn the vocabulary, is with tools like feelings charts with faces, picture books, or even storytelling.
Children are sponges! Be mindful of the ways your coping with, and modelling big feelings, as they will often follow your lead.
4. Show Empathy and Stay Present
Sometimes the best support in the moment is simply being there. Offer comfort with a calm presence, remaining open to them when they’re ready to talk to you about it. Empathy helps children feel seen, heard, and understood, which in turn boosts their confidence and helps them regulate their emotional state.
5. Build a Toolbox of Coping Strategies
Once your child is calm, and you have helped them understand the emotion they were feeling, it is important to teach them healthy ways to cope. These are simple things they can do in the moment that, over time, will help them step out of the big feelings, and begin to regain a sense of control and calm. Some strategies could include a physical break like dancing, sports, or going for a walk together, a mental break like listening to music, drawing, doing a puzzle, counting down from 10, or going to a “calm-down” space.
You’ve Got This!
Helping your child navigate these big feelings, and new stages in life doesn’t have to feel impossible. It’s a process that takes time, patience, and consistency, and you’re already doing meaningful work by being present and supportive!
When to Reach Out for Extra Help
However, if you feel that your Childs emotions are becoming overwhelming, are interfering with daily life, or you have just run out of ideas, seeing one of our therapists can be a supportive, safe, and nurturing step.
We offer family, parent, and child counselling sessions, with our therapists who are willing and ready to walk with you and your child through these seasons of change!
Seeking support isn’t a sign of failure, but is a powerful step toward helping your child thrive.
To book an intake session, a FREE 15 minute consultation session, or to learn more about how we can help, reach out to the office today at 902-812-1717, or by email at office@growwellcounselling.ca or check out our team of therapists at growwellcounselling.ca .
Sources
Freeling, R. (2024) Kids’ emotional dysregulation: Do’s and Don’ts – Berkeley, Wits’ End Parenting ®. Available at: https://witsendparenting.com/connection-before-correction-but-you-also-need-to-teach-emotional-regulation/ (Accessed: 13 June 2025).
Helping kids express their emotions (no date) PBS. Available at: https://www.pbs.org/parents/thrive/helping-kids-express-their-emotions (Accessed: 13 June 2025).
Teaching children how to manage their emotions (no date) Naître et grandir, site web et magazine. Available at: https://naitreetgrandir.com/en/step/1-3-years/behaviour/helping-children-to-deal-with-their-feelings/ (Accessed: 13 June 2025).
*This content is based on lived experience and general knowledge. It is not a substitute for professional mental health advice or diagnosis.